A reader who recently wrote in about how her ex-boyfriend was trying to win her back emailed me with an update. This one, I certainly didn’t expect, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t either! Read on:
Thank you for the advice.
I would be lying if I said that I don’t miss him. But I’m writing to share some good news! We are engaged! Allow me to share the story with you.
He has been very persistent with his apologies, and at first I did not want anything to do with him, no matter how much I missed him. Then I started thinking, “what if the situation was reversed?” What if I was in his shoes, the one who wants him back? I know that I would want to be forgiven and given another chance.
I decided to meet him. At first, I was skeptical, thinking that people don’t change like what you said. But he has! Not in a drastic way, but I could tell that he is finally serious about our relationship. So when I forgave him and told him that I will take him back, he kneeled down on one knee and proposed! I was shocked! I said, yes of course
Lessons I learned from my experience: Give people another chance. It’s okay no matter how much pain and misery they put you through. People do change. However, I would not have known that he has changed and gotten serious had I not given him another chance. I took a chance and now I am back with the person I love.
Please do share my wonderful story to everyone: your readers, friends, family, co-workers, everyone. I think these days, people are quick to let people go from their lives and are so unwilling to give anyone another chance, that they end up missing out on something wonderful.
So, there’s her story! I’m happy she’s happy.
I’ve written before about whether or not people can change, and what you can expect in that regard. I’ve heard stories with all sorts of results, good and bad. I know of multiple married couples who, at some point before getting engaged, broke up. I know of on-again, off-again couples who, in the end, couldn’t stay together. I’ve given exes second chances, and it turned out they hadn’t changed at all. I’ve given exes second chances to remain in my life as friends, despite a difficult breakup, and years later we’re still in touch. So, you never know. Life’s a crapshoot, and you just have to play and see what happens.
My advice to anyone out there who’s going through this situation is this: Each time it happens to you, it will be different. But pay attention to your intuition, and really pay attention to your ex’s actions, not just their words. Think long and hard. Can people change? Sure. But it takes a lot of momentum and only they can really control the nature of the change and whether or not it’s permanent. Work through the issues that created difficulties in your relationship before, because they won’t go away on their own. Relationships take work, and you have to wake up every day and choose to remain in them.
So, best wishes my my newly-engaged reader. If anyone else out there has personal stories (or stories they’ve heard from others) they’d like to share about giving exes a second chance, send them in!
