A corollary to “he’s just not that into you”

Evan Mark Katz linked to an advice article from his Twitter feed. Read it here.

Andrea Nemerson’s advice to the letter writer, who was getting mixed signals from a guy she was dating, was spot-on, in my opinion. This part really stuck with me (bolding is mine):

Here’s the secret, the nugget, the important truth buried under all the trendy exhortations to wait so many days before returning a phone call, or never to make excuses for a Person of Interest’s caddish behavior: it does not matter why someone does not behave toward you the way you would like him to; it only matters that he doesn’t.

Easy, isn’t it? We spend so much time analyzing why someone acts the way they do, rationalizing when they don’t act in the way we want them to. Maybe he’s afraid of rejection! Maybe he’s unsure of how he feels! Maybe he’s in a bad mood because of work! Doesn’t matter. Someone who cares about you doesn’t treat you like crap. Think about it: You care about your friends and relatives. How do you treat them? Do you spend as much time with them as you can? Call them often and return their calls? Make plans with them? Think about how your actions affect their lives?

Now think about how you treat a person you went out with who you’re not really into anymore. You let their calls go straight to voicemail and take days to return them. You make excuses as to why you’re busy when they ask you out again. You don’t try to make plans with them. If they were to stop chasing you, they’d probably never see you again. Do you want to be with someone who feels this way about you and who acts this way toward you?