A lot of young parents work in my office. I was talking with one new dad, who I’d say is in his mid-30s, about how sometimes it can be hard to do something life-changing like having a kid when you’re older and more accustomed to your life the way it is.
That got me thinking about my friends in their 20s. For the most part we’re not at the marriage-and-babies phase yet, but the single ones are looking for relationships. As someone who has spent a fair amount of time being single (I’ve never been the serial monogamist), I have to say that when you do meet someone with potential, it’s an adjustment to fit them into your life without leaving your friends feeling neglected. Dating (even casually) is time consuming. You get used to your single routine — gym, dinner with friends, TV shows you watch regularly, happy hours. Suddenly there’s a person you hang out with two or three times a week, someone who gets dibs on at least one of your weekend nights, and the routine goes out the window. It’s what you’ve wanted for a long time, and it’s great, but it’s still a change.
I’ve heard friends say that they want someone who fits into their life, that they aren’t going to chase, that they aren’t going to change for anyone. The thing is, you pretty much have no choice but to change. When you add a boyfriend or girlfriend to your plate, something has to give if it’s going to work. You’re not the only one changing your schedule around, they are too!
I’m a list-maker and calendar-keeper, and I find that helps me juggle my social calendar as best as possible. And I try not to let my schedule get so fixed in place that I can’t make room for a guy. When a guy calls you to make plans and is greeted with a laundry list of all the hobbies you have to pass the time (“Mondays is my knitting class! And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have yoga! And drinks with the girls on Friday!…Can you do three Wednesdays from now?”), they’ll stop trying and go find some girl who can schedule a date within the week.
Totally! (That’s all I have to say.)