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Archive for March 28th, 2008

Now that the birthday celebratory craziness is past, I can return to the normal routine and get back to the blogging. A married friend of mine told me he’s “starved for dating advice” (har har), so today I’ll pass along a story I heard from psuacoustician:

Good friend of mine had been dating a Boy off and on for 5 years. The last on period has lasted 2 yrs plus a few weeks. Then he decided to tell her that he doesn’t love her anymore. That he likes doing everything they do together (which is all couple type activities) but doesn’t love her. She loves him. Period. Thought that he would ask her to marry him. Alas, this being an on off relationship, is not the first time he has messed it up. So this time, she puts her foot down and tells the dude, If you do not love someone, then you end the relationship. Thus, she forced him to end the relationship. She then promptly removed all digital traces of him including email address and phone numbers stored in her phone. Since we all rely so heavily on our phones, she doesn’t have the temptation of calling him once the numbers are deleted because she never learned them.

In any case, in previous times The Boy has messed up (generally in Feb.) and has come groveling back before the end of March. This is what he sent but 2.5 weeks after telling her he doesnt’ love her.

From: The Boy <Boy@hotmail.com>
Date: Tue, Mar 25, 2008 at 7:22 AM
Subject: hey
To: The Girl<Girl@gmail.com>

I don’t know why I am writing to you, other than to say I apologize. I am a very selfish person, and just lost the one constant thing I have had in my life for years. You are a rare person, and I took it for granted. The best friend I have ever had, I pushed away.

I hope your memories of me will not be all bad.

All my love – The Boy

I especially like the signature. In any case, fuel for the fires if ever an example was needed.

Wait! It gets better!

Literally, in Feb ’06 he came back from being overseas for several months and told her that he loved someone else. Went to another state to the other woman and found out that the other woman was just drunk when she lead him to believe there was a chance. In the two years to get to today, the other woman has since married and popped a kid out. GO figure…….

That is some serious mindfuckitude. For now, at least, I’ve focused more on the beginning stages of dating and haven’t yet delved into all the ways you can pull someone’s still-beating heart out of their chest and stomp on it after a long-term relationship.  I don’t know either party in this now-ended relationship, so I’ll keep my comments general.

Now! How to tell when a relationship’s over or potential relationship isn’t going to get off the ground? It’s kind of like knowing it’s time to move to a new city or switch jobs: It’s just no fun anymore. But it’s not necessarily that simple, and there are a number of factors that go into it. I’ve known friends who were so afraid of being single that they’d date anything that moved, and that is no way to go about these things. People, “single” doesn’t mean “alone,” and it is far better to not be dating anyone that to be dating a complete douchebag.

Here are some red flags to look for:
1. If they tell you at any point that they’re “not looking for a relationship right now” or they’re “not ready to commit to someone,” listen. And then run, swiftly, in the opposite direction. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, this is not a person for you and they’re telling you that.
2. A noticeable change in behavior is a big indication of impending badness. Was your once-attentive boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly not returning calls or ignoring your IMs? If they’re out of town or passed out following invasive dental work, you probably have nothing to worry about. If not, ask them what’s up and get that breakup over with.
3. Have they recently gotten out of another relationship? You might be the rebound person. Don’t have high expectations for this.
4. Obviously you won’t likely be in love after, oh, two weeks with a person. But, as in the case of the story above, if you’re with someone for a long time and the relationship doesn’t seem to be progressing at the rate you’d prefer, you need to talk to the SO about it. This might get you two back on the same page, or you might decide to go your separate ways. It’s difficult, but it’s better to be upfront.
5. Also as in the case of the story above, if you’re experiencing epic levels of mindfucking (the SO has fallen for someone else yet kind of keeps you on the side, they say they don’t love you and then signs their e-mail “all my love”), just… leave. Seriously. People who do this need to work on themselves before they can be released to general public.

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