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Archive for October, 2009

The New York Times ran an article in their real estate section about New York couples who, though they both live within the five boroughs, have a very long trip on the subway (sometimes multiple subways, with a leg on a bus as well) to see each other. It’s like a long distance relationship! In any large city where a decent proportion of the population lives without cars, you’re going to find yourself staying within the confines of a two-mile radius from your apartment. I know this because I have lived in two different large cities with good public transit, and I’ve never owned a car. Most of my good friends live within blocks of me. Unlike many people I know, I get out more because I do a reverse commute to the suburbs. Many of my friends refuse to date anyone outside of very specific geographic boundaries! And single friends who move waaay out into the suburbs have to defend their decisions to those who think they’re committing social suicide. Readers, what are your limits when it comes to how far you’ll travel to date someone?

So, what’s a person to do when it takes an hour to get home from your S.O.’s neighborhood? Today I came upon the perfect solution: the Walk of Shame Kit. (Or I guess you could just meet in the middle.) Either way, the Walk of Shame Kit would make a hilarious gift for your female friends who pick up guys in every bar. We all know someone like that.

Really, I just wanted to work the kit into a blog posting.

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I came upon this blog entry about the blogger’s experience at a grocery store, where one female cashier felt it okay to tell another female cashier, loudly and in front of customers, that all men are pigs.

I’ve written before about the bitter single woman. I hate, hate, hate male-bashing. Really! Listen, I’ve dated losers who dumped me by email, did the fade out, or stood me up to watch a baseball game. I’ve gone through excessively long dating droughts. I’ve watched many female friends — intelligent and beautiful and great catches — get their hearts stomped on by unfeeling guys. And you know what? I still love men! They’re cute and tall and somewhat awkward when girls confuse them, and they get that ruggedly handsome 5 o’clock shadow. They can fix broken household appliances. They’ll go out of their way to walk you home at night so you’ll be safe.

Ladies, there is much to love about men. I get that you’ve been hurt, but it’s counterproductive to blame an entire gender for the bad behavior of a small minority. Dating is a journey, and you make mistakes along the way. Haven’t you ever had to cruelly break up with someone? Haven’t you ever avoided a guy’s phone calls and texts so you wouldn’t have to go out with him again? Or maybe you’ve done worse — cheated on a boyfriend, or left him for his best friend. Women are just as guilty! And yes, many men will say that all women are crazy (I hate that too!), but they’re still chasing after us.

Approach dating with a crappy attitude, and you’ll get crappy results. Treat men with respect, and assume their intentions are good. If you’re bitter and angry and have an emotional wall of man-hatred built up, men will catch on. And you’ll be the crazy one they tell their friends about. You want that to happen?

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Some time ago, I was cockblocked by a baseball game. Seriously. I was supposed to go out with this guy, who, when trying to pick a night, rattled off which nights might be booked based on when his favorite team was playing and whether or not they were likely to win the night before. Strike one.

We agreed on a night, and my calendar became booked with other things in the days after. He tried to reschedule the day before the date, and I was unable to but was fine with pushing back an hour. I show up at the new time, I get a call. He’s stuck watching the last inning, can I wait a bit or reschedule? Strike two.

Unlike baseball, I wasn’t feeling too generous and never game him the third strike. “Listen, I can’t plan my life around the game schedule of a baseball team,” I said. “I’m going home. Priorities, man!” He emailed the next day to apologize, but by then I was done. Now, I get that sports (or other hobbies) might be very important to a person. But, if you’re looking for your future girlfriend or boyfriend, that takes time and effort. That first impression is key. You don’t want a girl thinking that if she marries you, you’ll skip out on the birth of your first child to watch the baseball game. When your whole life revolves around one thing, I get a little put off. We all have many things on our plate — family, friends, dating, work, hobbies, errands. If you ignore any one of those things for long enough, the results will be unpleasant.

The takeaway? Keep a calendar, don’t double-book, and when you barely know a person, don’t tell them why you’re busy. Just say which days you’re free and leave it at that. I could have been that guy’s next girlfriend, but he had to watch the game. Priorities, man!

(I called my brother to get a guy’s opinion, just to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable. His reply: “Is that guy fucking crazy?”)

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…because I will laugh so hard when you go back to being single. And it will feel good. Bwahahaha!

A girl I went to school with years ago friended me awhile back. For about four months, she had all of these status updates about how her life was now complete (Really! Complete!) because she’d met her boyfriend. He constantly wrote on her wall to say dumb shit like, “I love you, baby, you’re so great” (Gag! Isn’t that what e-mail is for?). There were photos posted constantly of the two of them out to dinner with her family. Friends wrote on her wall to express joy about what a great relationship she was in.

And then? Back to single. All photos of the guy erased. All his wall messages deleted. Listen, I’m cool with people listing themselves as in a relationship or engaged or married (all the better to stalk you with with, my dear). Part of the joy of Facebook is finding out what your old friends are up to. But for the love of all that is holy, I hate when people spew all of that sappy “I am so in LOVE and my boyfriend/girlfriend is the BEST EVER and I never knew TRUE JOY until I met them and now my life has REALLY BEGUN!” bullshit all over their Facebook pages. I’m talking about people in their mid- to late-20s, not 14-year-olds. Pathetic.

Does this post make me sound bitter? I’m not. I just don’t like when people think the only thing they have going for them is the fact that they’re dating someone. Come on, you’re so much more interesting than that! They are so many private ways in which you can communicate your slobbery love (give them a phone call!). Why does the whole world need to see it? I get the whole shout-it-from-the-rooftops thing, but…yeah. Am I alone in this? Thoughts?

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L shared with me a valid pet peeve: Sometimes, people in relationships, when attempting to set up single friends, seem to think that all pairs of single people will hit it off. That’s sort of like the assumption that all gays like each other. Not true!

When setting friends up, keep in mind the personalities of your friends. Think about whether or not they’d make a good pair. Then introduce them! Just throwing two single people together can be a recipe for awkwardness. Now, if you’re throwing a party and you’ve invited a bunch of single people and phone numbers get exchanged, awesome! But for actual set-ups (going on a double date with them, or getting them to go on a blind date), think it through.

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