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In one day, I came upon two different blog postings about the same thing: Women who develop a sense of entitlement when it comes to what kind of man they want and think they deserve.

We tend to describe ourselves in list form. We’re smart, funny, pretty, kind, hard-working (if you’ve ever read cliche online dating profiles, you see a lot of this). We want a man who conforms to a list as well: educated, tall, good-looking, funny, charming, sensitive, etc. We want, we want, we want. But realistically, what’s out there? I’m not saying what’s out there is crap, far from it. But how many people can really fulfill every qualification you have? And take a good look at yourself: Can you really fulfill a long must-have list, too? Check out the above links. Food for thought.

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The New York Times ran an article in their real estate section about New York couples who, though they both live within the five boroughs, have a very long trip on the subway (sometimes multiple subways, with a leg on a bus as well) to see each other. It’s like a long distance relationship! In any large city where a decent proportion of the population lives without cars, you’re going to find yourself staying within the confines of a two-mile radius from your apartment. I know this because I have lived in two different large cities with good public transit, and I’ve never owned a car. Most of my good friends live within blocks of me. Unlike many people I know, I get out more because I do a reverse commute to the suburbs. Many of my friends refuse to date anyone outside of very specific geographic boundaries! And single friends who move waaay out into the suburbs have to defend their decisions to those who think they’re committing social suicide. Readers, what are your limits when it comes to how far you’ll travel to date someone?

So, what’s a person to do when it takes an hour to get home from your S.O.’s neighborhood? Today I came upon the perfect solution: the Walk of Shame Kit. (Or I guess you could just meet in the middle.) Either way, the Walk of Shame Kit would make a hilarious gift for your female friends who pick up guys in every bar. We all know someone like that.

Really, I just wanted to work the kit into a blog posting.

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I came upon this blog entry about the blogger’s experience at a grocery store, where one female cashier felt it okay to tell another female cashier, loudly and in front of customers, that all men are pigs.

I’ve written before about the bitter single woman. I hate, hate, hate male-bashing. Really! Listen, I’ve dated losers who dumped me by email, did the fade out, or stood me up to watch a baseball game. I’ve gone through excessively long dating droughts. I’ve watched many female friends — intelligent and beautiful and great catches — get their hearts stomped on by unfeeling guys. And you know what? I still love men! They’re cute and tall and somewhat awkward when girls confuse them, and they get that ruggedly handsome 5 o’clock shadow. They can fix broken household appliances. They’ll go out of their way to walk you home at night so you’ll be safe.

Ladies, there is much to love about men. I get that you’ve been hurt, but it’s counterproductive to blame an entire gender for the bad behavior of a small minority. Dating is a journey, and you make mistakes along the way. Haven’t you ever had to cruelly break up with someone? Haven’t you ever avoided a guy’s phone calls and texts so you wouldn’t have to go out with him again? Or maybe you’ve done worse — cheated on a boyfriend, or left him for his best friend. Women are just as guilty! And yes, many men will say that all women are crazy (I hate that too!), but they’re still chasing after us.

Approach dating with a crappy attitude, and you’ll get crappy results. Treat men with respect, and assume their intentions are good. If you’re bitter and angry and have an emotional wall of man-hatred built up, men will catch on. And you’ll be the crazy one they tell their friends about. You want that to happen?

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Check it out.

Not surprisingly, good grammar and spelling will take you far. Few people would want to go out with someone who types “wats up.” This isn’t middle school.

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The system is down

The internet connection has been spotty at best at CHO HQ all day, so I’ll make this a quick post before it goes out again.

Shameless plug!
Reader Dixie, who wrote in asking about how to kindly let a guy know you’re not interested in another date (she’s letter #2), is blogging about her dating experiences. Check it out!

More hilarious Google searches
Among the more predictable Google searches used to find this blog, I bring you these:

“asshole exhibit”
“i like to be handcuffed”

Who doesn’t, really? Have a good week, everyone!

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Read it here.

What I find interesting is that this article tells you to listen to your intuition. Simple advice, isn’t it? But so many of us don’t. That little voice in your mind, or that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach, will not steer you in the wrong direction. If something’s telling you a relationship isn’t good, listen. The rest of your body tends to realize things much sooner than your heart.

Another good line from this article: “People who have great relationships don’t spend very much time talking about them to others.” True story! I can tell when a friend of mine has met someone good when I ask “Hey, how’s [significant other]?” and all they have to respond with is “They’re great!” before changing the subject to the fact that the Mad Men season premiere is next week. It’s when I ask and they launch into this long speech filled with rationalizations that I see the doubt in their eyes.

So, the takeaways: Listen to your gut, and the more you need to analyze about your relationship, the worse it’s probably going.

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A friend tipped me off to this little gem, where a man named Dimitri leaves two voicemails for a woman named Olga. Apparently he met her on the street and she gave him her business card. Then he proceeded to leave two extremely long, oversharing voicemails where he comes off as a narcissistic, controlling, mentally unstable asshat.

Men, sometimes women play games. They give you their number but never call back, or play hard to get. It’s annoying, I know. But if you left a woman a voicemail like Dimitri’s, she wouldn’t respond for fear of her safety. If you’re laying it all out on the line like this because you’ve been toyed with by women before, it’s not going to get you results. Just like you don’t like to take the blame when other men have hurt a woman, we don’t like it when you automatically assume we’re going to hurt you before we’ve even exchanged last names.

I once met a guy at a bar. We talked for awhile and got along well, so I gave him my number and clearly said, “I’d like to go out with you sometime.” Later in the evening he asked if he could kiss me, and I politely said I’d rather get to know him a bit better first. Suddenly, he got defensive, and said now he wouldn’t call me, that I’d have to call him, because he didn’t want to call me if I was just going to reject him or ignore the call. I was like, “What? I said to you not 20 minutes ago that I wanted to go out with you, and I gave you my number. You know what that means? That I want to go out with you, so you should call my number.” I wasn’t going to fall for this shit.

So I never called, and in a few days he called anyway. We went out for dinner once and I never saw him again. In retrospect I probably shouldn’t even bothered, because he went from zero to asshole in 3 seconds, but I gave him a chance, and he was actually perfectly polite on the date. But yeah, if you get weirdly aggressive because you don’t get your way, don’t be surprised if women you meet disappear.

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